My Dream Last Night, July 27th 2012

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uberrapidash
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I was in Daddy's house, except it's not the house he lives in now. He and Aaron were out front on a large sidewalk working on a project, staining wood on a dresser or something. I wanted to help so I went out there and sat down on the ground. There was a tree off to the right with a low hanging branch. Then at some point, I looked over and there was a huge spider - like impossibly huge - on the branch. Like the size of the whole branch. Like really really really huge. And it was yellow. And then off to the left on the ground was a very large bug, like the size of my forearm, with huge pincers. Naturally, I got scared and ran inside. Daddy and Aaron didn't move though. I really wanted to help with the project, so I looked out the window to see if the bugs were still there, and there was no bug on the ground and no spider on the branch. But whenever I get out there, they are there. So I run back inside. I look out the window and they're gone. So I go back outside. And go back inside. I finally stayed inside. It was like the window was some sort of filter that wouldn't let me see the bugs.

When I woke up, I immediately and involuntarily did a sort of analyzation, and I thought maybe the spider represented Julie and the other bug represented Megan. I already associate the color yellow with Julie, and the spider was yellow. I'm not really sure why I associate yellow with her, but I have this one memory of her that for some reason has not been removed from my memory. -___- It's an awful memory. I was really, really young. Megan and Aaron were like toddlers. Julie had just had a boob job, but I didn't know that. All I remembered was going to the beach, and Julie was in this skimpy little yellow bathing suit, and she kept looking down at her boobs and asking Daddy if they were ok and adjusting her bathing suit top. Her boobs were HUGE. She was super skinny. And they looked gross, too. But you probably don't want to hear about all that. But anyway... I mean, first of all, she is super pasty pale - why would you wear a yellow bathing suit when you're that pale?? It really does not look too great. Second - you're going to the beach with your three children and your husband!! What the hell do you think you're doing wearing something like that??!! Ugh. She's so sickening to me. Now that I'm much older, I can look back at things like that and see the truth of the situation. And I remember, she didn't want anything to do with Daddy on the beach. She just wanted to lay out in the sun. Didn't move. Just layed there. Daddy tried to get her to go swim, or do sand castles with us... you know, just something. But, nope. -___- I really hate that woman.

I think the bug could be Megan because I'm afraid that Julie has a hold of her. Megan is growing up in the wrong direction. It's very obvious. I hate it.

Another part of my dream - for some reason, I had made a large origami goose. I put it in a box for Megan. She went behind me with a vacuum cleaner and took the hose and sucked up the goose. I was very hurt. Why in the world would she do that to me??

This part, I analyzed a little too... I think I really want to be a big sister to Megan. Maybe even motherly. When I lived with my dad, I was practically a mother to the kids anyway because Julie never did anything. Perhaps the goose is like a "mother goose" type thing?? I don't know. Either way, I was trying to show my love for my sister and she destroyed my gift to her. Maybe this is one of the reasons why I don't try to connect with her more - I'm afraid she'll turn me down and destroy my outreached heart.
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